Mean

Hilary Duff - I am

I'm just bored. So much. Nothing happens today. I have a lot of free time and I don't know what to do with it. It sucks! It's not good at all, because the probability is high that I will start thinking about stupid things. Times like this I often start to feel that nothing in my life has a meaning. I am nothing and I'm heading to nowhere. But I really should stop such thoughts! I am not more worthless than anyone else! I am just a human. Of course I make mistakes and I have bad points. But still, I am not bad! At least not worse than the others.

One thing is certain though. Basically I am alone. But why? The answer is simple. Because I keep too much distance and I am mean. Actually it's because people don't care about me. And I just need someone to care about me. That's me. But maybe they don't care about me, because I am mean. To be honest, I don't know which was earlier. But after all it doesn't really matter. I am mean, because no one really care about me and others don't care about me because I am mean.

Sometimes I feel like  a human trash, really. I cannot see any good points on mine. But other times I know I am valueable. There are people who are prettier, cleverer, braver, more skillful, wiser, more popular, nicer, frendlier, more talkative and so on. I am not good in anything in particular. But there is one thing no one can beat me in. No one can be me. They cannot be like me. No one is in this world who would be more like me. I am special in a way and I know it. Like anyone else. But not in the way I am. I am me, no matter what. It's not always easy, my personality is quite difficult and I know it. But if I change anything inconnection with me, surely I do it for myself not because someone else would like me that way better. Because that wouldn't be me. If I want to change, then I will. But not for anyone else, but me. Others can hate me, dislike me, I don't care. That's just me and I am aware of my values. Or at least I am trying to get to know them. My colours are mine.

So this day is surley not my best though. I feel a bit down, but still, I will remind myself. Now just let me feel a little bit down. Sometimes it is needed. A person cannot be happy and cheerful all the time, right? So just let me be. Today is a day like this. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe.