2011. október 18., kedd

A (bad?) girl's lament

It's been a while since I posted anything. I could share things, because there are changes in my life (I will move out from my apartment and move to my cousin's and probably I will go to Norway in January, though I still have some administrative work to do with it, and need to consider it well, but I won the scholarship already anyway). But today I don't feel like writing about it. Today is just a little lamenting around a thing that on everyone's mind all the time, though not everyone admits it. A thing that is important to everyone. Everyone's minds evolve around it. There are many expressions to it, that's what made me think and actually I would like to write about them. Yes, the thing is sex.

I have never written about it yet, but why? Honestly, I like reading when someone writes about sex. Why? Who knows? Maybe because I'm a stalker like everyone else and I like looking into other's prive life. Also because I kind of respect those, who have enough courage to talk about it directly. Anyway, there is a lot of expressions to sex. Thinking about why would be also a good theme, but now I just want to share my thoughts about the differences between each of them. Even though they refer to the same thing.

So the first expression is "having sex". It's the most simple expression, refers to the concrete thing, it has actually no plus in the meaning. To be honest, maybe that's the phrase I like the most. It says nor more nor less, just what it is. But it's a bit too concrete. Still the best, I think.

Not like "making love". It's too oldschool in my opinion. Who makes love? Just the couples in romantic movies. Too "pink" phrase. Dislike. Absolutely. I have never heard anyone using it in everyday life. Let's just keep it for romantic erotic stories. Though it's sometimes even too much for there as well. If someone would say it in a usual conversation, probably I would laugh him / her in the face or at least show a strange expression on my face.

And the last category is "fucking" and "cuming". These two words are nearly the same. Vulgar. If couples in romantic movies make love, than who fucks? The actors in porn movies. That's it. What they do is animal like and vulgar. Totally fucking. So if you do it hard, then you are fucking and it's a fact. This word is used sometimes young people or not too highly educated dumbasses. Not like they would really use it this meaning. They just want to seem cool or really just stupid.

Anyway, my conclusion is, just use the world "sex". Let's call everything on its name.

So it was a totally senseless post, but I just wanted to write it. Sorry for those, who wasted their time on it.

2011. október 3., hétfő

I'm a loner

Lately my depression is in a very deep period. I feel lonely. Like I'd belong to nowhere. I wish for someone, who really listens to me, who puts me into the first place. If this person is a boyfriend, or just a very close friend is nearly never mind. I just want to feel that I'm important for someone.

Most of my acquaintaces just kind of put up with my existence. My roommates, my classmates, everybody around me. I thought I got used to being treated like this, but it still feels kind of bad. I know it's never mind for them if I'm there or not. And this thought is painful somewhere.

My family thinks I'm important, but I guess they already kind of got used to that I'm not at home. My best friend lives far and she cannot be here when I need her. Moreover, she has a boyfriend, who is obviously more important for her, than me. It's normal, though. But I have to admit, sometimes I hate that boyfriend (even though I've never met him) and I kind of jealous of him. But it's okay. Maybe I'm sick, but I try to handle this feeling. Sometimes it takes over, but mostly I can.

I can only make friends with people who lives far. It's nice to talk to them sometimes, but they can't be there, when I need them the most. It sucks. I like being alone, but right now I'm sick of loneliness. It sucks...