2011. október 3., hétfő
I'm a loner
Lately my depression is in a very deep period. I feel lonely. Like I'd belong to nowhere. I wish for someone, who really listens to me, who puts me into the first place. If this person is a boyfriend, or just a very close friend is nearly never mind. I just want to feel that I'm important for someone.
Most of my acquaintaces just kind of put up with my existence. My roommates, my classmates, everybody around me. I thought I got used to being treated like this, but it still feels kind of bad. I know it's never mind for them if I'm there or not. And this thought is painful somewhere.
My family thinks I'm important, but I guess they already kind of got used to that I'm not at home. My best friend lives far and she cannot be here when I need her. Moreover, she has a boyfriend, who is obviously more important for her, than me. It's normal, though. But I have to admit, sometimes I hate that boyfriend (even though I've never met him) and I kind of jealous of him. But it's okay. Maybe I'm sick, but I try to handle this feeling. Sometimes it takes over, but mostly I can.
I can only make friends with people who lives far. It's nice to talk to them sometimes, but they can't be there, when I need them the most. It sucks. I like being alone, but right now I'm sick of loneliness. It sucks...