It's a great mistery why I start writing diary or blog again and again from time to time. Actually it wasn't that long ago when I started writing a blog somewhere else. I still didn't give it up, but now I am in a middle of a very hard post. It's not easy to finish it for some emotional reason. But I am trying hard. Until that I decided to start a normal blog where I wont follow any concept, just write about what's on my mind at the moment.
To be honest, my best friend is who inspired me to start this blog, though she doesn't know it yet. She also writes blogs both in Hungarian and English. I don't want to copy her, but I think I can express my feelings more in English.
Though it might seem strange, since everybody knows that everyone can express their feelings in their mothertongue the best. But somehow I feel that in English it's just less embarrassing. In Hungarian every words has a deeper meaning for me. For example I could say "I love you" to anyone easily in English, in German ("ich liebe dich"), in Japanese ("愛してる") or in Russian ("я люблю тебя"), but not in Hungarian. Because in Hungarian it should actuallly come from my heart. In Hungarian and only in Hungarian I feel the weight of the expression. I don't know, but I guess everybody is like this. Mothertongue has a kind of magic for everyone. Everyone thinks in their mothertongue, I think that's why it is.
That's why I chose English for expressing my thoughts and feelings. It isn't my mothertongue, but I can express nearly everything in it I want. Without that deep bond I have to Hungarian.
So from now on I will post my thoughts here, when I feel like. Maybe sometimes it will be confusing and will be hard to follow my way of thinking, but I will try to be clear in express what I want to. As much as I can.