Make me wanna die

The pretty reckless - My medicine

The time has come. For what? To write a new blog post, of course. It has been ages I did. What's new with me? I finished all my exams and now I am on my summer holiday officially. Sunshine, freedom and so on. Everything could be perfect. But of course it wouldn't be me if I didn't create some problems for myself. A life without problems isn't interesting at all after all, right? Problems are the salt of life or whatever.^^'

Though today's problem isn't created by me. Because it's my brother's farewell ceremony from his primary school. I don't mind the ceremony exactly, but I do mind the guests. I just hate when I cannot do what I want, because I should put a smile on my face and talk about stupid things I don't care about at all but I should act like I do. Hell no! I hate it! So much! I just hope that I can survive the day somehow. And also tomorrow morning because my damned relatives will spend the night in our house.-_-

Of course I have other self-created problems, mostly about that bastard, yes. He is just still in my mind, I don't know why. Silly me! He still just ignores me (it's been more than two months that I talked to him last time!), but I still have some kind of feelings for him I guess. I still don't know how to call it though, but it's a fact that mostly he is my last thought before sleeping and the first after waking up. I regulary check his facebook and twitter and such. I think I am a kind of psycho. A fucking maniac. On the other hand, just a little bit more than two weeks and I will meet him. Probably for the last time of my life. Three and a half day. That's all I will have together with him. But this shost time can be a blessing or a curse as well. To be honest, I'm scared. I don't know how will he behave towards me and I also don't know how I should behave towards him. Should I try to be friendly with him? Should I ignore him? Should I be cold and show hate or at least showing how rude I think his behaviour was? Should I try to act like he would be in the same level for me like anyone else? I don't know. And I don't know, what I can do. I am kind of good at hiding my emotions and acting cold. But is it really the right reaction? I am just helpless. Damned self-created problems...

Sweet dreams

I am lying on my bed, the lights are out, I'm about to sleep. Sorrowful thoughts comes into my mind, I feel miserable like hell. Then it starts. At first I try not to pay attention to it. But it doesn't stop. I try to get back to my thoughts but it annoys me like hell. It comes closer and closer. And then I hear it in my ears from very close. Okay, it was enough! I don't like violence, but it's much more than I can take. I turn the lights on, get out of my bed, grab my hardback Russian text book from the table and drop it to the wall. I look behind the bed to check if my action was successful. And I see it's lying on the ground. And it's dead!
"Damned moth! At least this time let me feel sorry for myself!" XD